here goes,
I know I haven't been on here in fn ages. Shit happens. (If you can't tell I'm in a very sad/pissed mood) Lemme fill yah in, I've been dating this boy Corey for almost 2 months. I'm coming to the harsh realization is that I'm never going to have a innocent relationship. I'm just going to be a whore. Just another horney teenage couple. IM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT. I don't want it, so why am I always in it! I don't know I'm just so damn confused! He's supose to be amazing.......yet I don't feel it. He says he loves me but I just can't choke out those words. I don't wanna end it god no, I just, I dunno. I don't feel the same way, and that kills me. I just. I'm just confused.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Day 20: What's Wrong With Me?
FYI: This post is going to be really lame and basically I need to put my Big Girl pants on.............but they're in the wash apparently!
1) Everyone is pissing me off! I can't stand it. Everything that anyone does is pissing me off! My grandma irritates me so bad. I know it's mean and all but seriously I can't stand living with her! Currently she has the tv on the wrong channel so the tv signal isn't coming in. She does this all the time AND I'M DONE FIXING IT! I'm not going to fix it another damn time. It's so aggravating.
2) I'm done with everyone rubbing their boyfriend in my face. Especially one named Emily (no I'm not jealous ) Because sweetheart up untill minutes before you started dating your boyfriend, he still wanted me. He still LOVED me. Your just the girl he's with 'cause he's not up here with me. But he proved his true colors and I don't want him. So stop tagging me in the photos of you two on facebook.
3) I can't focus on my school work. I can't do this. My mind is totally screwed up right now.I can't focus on anything anymore. My aunt's pissed off I can't go on a trip with her. I have band and I have to be there.
My mind is sooooooo far from home. It should really come home!
1) Everyone is pissing me off! I can't stand it. Everything that anyone does is pissing me off! My grandma irritates me so bad. I know it's mean and all but seriously I can't stand living with her! Currently she has the tv on the wrong channel so the tv signal isn't coming in. She does this all the time AND I'M DONE FIXING IT! I'm not going to fix it another damn time. It's so aggravating.
2) I'm done with everyone rubbing their boyfriend in my face. Especially one named Emily (no I'm not jealous ) Because sweetheart up untill minutes before you started dating your boyfriend, he still wanted me. He still LOVED me. Your just the girl he's with 'cause he's not up here with me. But he proved his true colors and I don't want him. So stop tagging me in the photos of you two on facebook.
3) I can't focus on my school work. I can't do this. My mind is totally screwed up right now.I can't focus on anything anymore. My aunt's pissed off I can't go on a trip with her. I have band and I have to be there.
My mind is sooooooo far from home. It should really come home!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Day 19: A Little Bit Of Everything.................It makes me ME! So............GET USE TO IT!
I've been telling a few close friends this.......bit......of my past. So Lets go back to September 20th 2009. (yeah I hate this day). Jake and I started dating (ended march 14th 2011). Well that relationship got VERY controlling, he was also verbally abusive. Yeah It's harsh using that A word, but it's the word to use. I've looked into it a lot. It fits, so if the shoe fits................WEAR IT. It turned a bit physical. We'd hold hands he'd squeeze my hand cause he got mad at something I said. or grab my wrist a lot.
I'm starting a new Idea.................................................ADVICE blog??? Haha or website/email?
I'm starting a new Idea.................................................ADVICE blog??? Haha or website/email?
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Day 18: Getting back into the past
I know I haven't blogged in a LONG time. I was at Kaylyns (who, btw, is like my sister for life). Plowing trees, falling for a guy, getting my heart BROKEN again. (Caleb G.).
Life has gotten crazy THAT'S for sure I've fallen in love with cameron c AGAIN this is like the third time. He just wants fooling around and that's NOT what I want. I don't and I won't be doing that. I've had my heart shattered one to many times. It's been falling apart.
I feel
empty
alone
helpless
sad
lost
confused
dead
Life has gotten crazy THAT'S for sure I've fallen in love with cameron c AGAIN this is like the third time. He just wants fooling around and that's NOT what I want. I don't and I won't be doing that. I've had my heart shattered one to many times. It's been falling apart.
I feel
empty
alone
helpless
sad
lost
confused
dead
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Day 17: I hate you............but I love you!
(So Brody if you reading this.............YOUR A FREAKING STALKER! That and your a fast reader! Haha! )
Today got off to a rather slow start. I mean dragging my tired ass out of bed to go to a class to think? Like wtf! It's summer vacation I have homework as is AND I'M GOING TO SCHOOL? Well it was just a boater safety class. I mean hunter safety was fun and all. The best part is gutting the deer! (channeling my inner psycho killer: playing with the guts is fun! they so squishy!) It was 2 days for 9 hours each day.
I had to sit in the front. The sheriff (further interesting me as a police officer, imagine that me+gun+you=?) had me do all his stuff. Pass out test and pencils for the f tards who didn't read the sheet that they needed to bring one(that's a pet peeve). Learned all the crap and then took the test. I totally aced it. I just now have to get it laminated. I have to have it on me while riding a jet ski. like where the heck am I going to put it? I'm in a wet suit with a life jacket on (It's the law and I love throwing myself off it at ridiculous speeds!). So I need to find a spot to keep it while I'm driving! grr!
So I came home and I listened to Alyssa Lies. I was bawling within seconds. Matter of fact that's what I'm doing right now. How could you hurt your child like that? C'mon people! Seriously! It takes two to make a child. Sex isn't just for pleasure and crap. I mean it's for procreation not recreation. This generation is forgetting that with all the porno and crap out there. Your basically signing up to love that child until the second you stop breathing. No matter what crap they get into. You got to teach them right from wrong the RIGHT way. How could you do that? Their helpless!
That furthers my dream to be a foster mom XD I love that Idea! By the huge house down the road turn it into a creep looking house much like the Aadams family house! I'll make the inside all cozy and crap. But I really need to worry where I'm going to get the 1.5 million dollars to buy it. I'd also have to evict all the people in there (it's turned into an apartment). I'm going to do it!
Well Emily, yes the girl who stole the guy I liked, has been chatting with me via facebook. I mean when you live so far away and I don't like her enough to text her, it's the best way to chat. Well me and one of her friend (along with her) were totally spamming her status. Anyways she's elmo for her creepy perverted-ness in an innocent way, he's barney for secretly snorting crack, and i'm piglet for BEING TO NICE wtf! I'm not nice at all. They truly don't understand all the secret insults I sneak to them. I'm the queen bee in life. But I mean she's cooler than I thought she was. It doesn't change my view on her or him. He's still not talking to me so I only have on thing for him *Flips him the bird*. I agreed to meet up with 'em when I go to Florida next, whenever that is.
So either way this goes...........................................my life is f'd up, and apparently not just my love life.
Oh and Edward I HATE YOU <3 (inside thing, basically code word for he's my brother for life)
$!DN3Y
Today got off to a rather slow start. I mean dragging my tired ass out of bed to go to a class to think? Like wtf! It's summer vacation I have homework as is AND I'M GOING TO SCHOOL? Well it was just a boater safety class. I mean hunter safety was fun and all. The best part is gutting the deer! (channeling my inner psycho killer: playing with the guts is fun! they so squishy!) It was 2 days for 9 hours each day.
I had to sit in the front. The sheriff (further interesting me as a police officer, imagine that me+gun+you=?) had me do all his stuff. Pass out test and pencils for the f tards who didn't read the sheet that they needed to bring one(that's a pet peeve). Learned all the crap and then took the test. I totally aced it. I just now have to get it laminated. I have to have it on me while riding a jet ski. like where the heck am I going to put it? I'm in a wet suit with a life jacket on (It's the law and I love throwing myself off it at ridiculous speeds!). So I need to find a spot to keep it while I'm driving! grr!
So I came home and I listened to Alyssa Lies. I was bawling within seconds. Matter of fact that's what I'm doing right now. How could you hurt your child like that? C'mon people! Seriously! It takes two to make a child. Sex isn't just for pleasure and crap. I mean it's for procreation not recreation. This generation is forgetting that with all the porno and crap out there. Your basically signing up to love that child until the second you stop breathing. No matter what crap they get into. You got to teach them right from wrong the RIGHT way. How could you do that? Their helpless!
That furthers my dream to be a foster mom XD I love that Idea! By the huge house down the road turn it into a creep looking house much like the Aadams family house! I'll make the inside all cozy and crap. But I really need to worry where I'm going to get the 1.5 million dollars to buy it. I'd also have to evict all the people in there (it's turned into an apartment). I'm going to do it!
Well Emily, yes the girl who stole the guy I liked, has been chatting with me via facebook. I mean when you live so far away and I don't like her enough to text her, it's the best way to chat. Well me and one of her friend (along with her) were totally spamming her status. Anyways she's elmo for her creepy perverted-ness in an innocent way, he's barney for secretly snorting crack, and i'm piglet for BEING TO NICE wtf! I'm not nice at all. They truly don't understand all the secret insults I sneak to them. I'm the queen bee in life. But I mean she's cooler than I thought she was. It doesn't change my view on her or him. He's still not talking to me so I only have on thing for him *Flips him the bird*. I agreed to meet up with 'em when I go to Florida next, whenever that is.
So either way this goes...........................................my life is f'd up, and apparently not just my love life.
Oh and Edward I HATE YOU <3 (inside thing, basically code word for he's my brother for life)
$!DN3Y
Friday, July 8, 2011
Day 16: Nothing Good Happens After 2 AM
"So Brody+I had the ingenious idea to see who could stay up the longest. Well there's no actual proof of it, just honesty. So I've been up 28 hours! Man am I exhausted. He's offline so I bet the butt when to sleep. I would XD I've played the game honestly so far (: I almost fell asleep in the shower but I woke myself up! ('Cause I'm JUST that awesome!) well he caved at 5 pm my time"
So that's my HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER version of my life, aka, where the title came from. Because let me remind you THEIRS A 14 HOUR DIFFERENCE! So this plan was conceived at like 3 am! Okay so he didn't fall asleep........BUMMER!
Kaylyn and I are becoming really close! I can't wait to spend the week with her! She's like my other half!
pure exhaustion is how i feel. Trying to do this bet was the stupidest thing i ever did. Ha ha well i had fun. not I'm feeling the drawback! THEY SUCK
It's clear the orthodontist hates my guts. So I go in to his office today. He puts me in the chair all good. They take the bands of open, bite together whole 9 yards. Then he takes off my two front teeth brackets (he re did them the previous appointment because of a failed attempt to bring my tooth in). He then tells me hes taking of all the bottom ones and RETAINERS. After gluing them on he decides the bottoms are staying in and we are tightening them. We hadn't done ANYTHING to them in 6 months, why all of a sudden? Now my whole mouth aches!
Being up for 35 hours is tiring i'm going to get something to eat and then to a early bed for me!
$!DN3Y
So that's my HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER version of my life, aka, where the title came from. Because let me remind you THEIRS A 14 HOUR DIFFERENCE! So this plan was conceived at like 3 am! Okay so he didn't fall asleep........BUMMER!
Kaylyn and I are becoming really close! I can't wait to spend the week with her! She's like my other half!
pure exhaustion is how i feel. Trying to do this bet was the stupidest thing i ever did. Ha ha well i had fun. not I'm feeling the drawback! THEY SUCK
It's clear the orthodontist hates my guts. So I go in to his office today. He puts me in the chair all good. They take the bands of open, bite together whole 9 yards. Then he takes off my two front teeth brackets (he re did them the previous appointment because of a failed attempt to bring my tooth in). He then tells me hes taking of all the bottom ones and RETAINERS. After gluing them on he decides the bottoms are staying in and we are tightening them. We hadn't done ANYTHING to them in 6 months, why all of a sudden? Now my whole mouth aches!
Being up for 35 hours is tiring i'm going to get something to eat and then to a early bed for me!
$!DN3Y
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Day 15: PEN PAL!
So that's what I really did today. Time flew! I talked with Courtney and this new pen pal Brody from Australia as well! So I've been a social butterfly! Courtney and I had a epic poke war involving her brother Jarrod! IT was hilarious! They found an Aussie flag and were playing with it! We talked about our boy troubles mainly mine with Tyler and em. (hes refusing to talk to me now). And she is BATMAN!
as far as Brody goes: we talk a lot (: crazy fun although his sisters remind me of myself at age 8. FIGHTERS! I remember beating Nathan up when he was 16! I was so mean to him! OH well we both grew up from that age! Now we barely talk and it isn't cool!
Kaylyn: she lives in town and we've actually bonding over a break up! She's GREAT! She's a lot like me! She's going to teach me to ride a 4 wheeler and mud fights! I'm spending most of next week with her......which means CRAP I can't blog! I MUST BLOG! I guess I'll do it the old fashion way and write it by hand and post it when I get home. I'll also be missing two drumline practices! Oh well their un-productive anyways!
nite!!!
$!DN3Y
as far as Brody goes: we talk a lot (: crazy fun although his sisters remind me of myself at age 8. FIGHTERS! I remember beating Nathan up when he was 16! I was so mean to him! OH well we both grew up from that age! Now we barely talk and it isn't cool!
Kaylyn: she lives in town and we've actually bonding over a break up! She's GREAT! She's a lot like me! She's going to teach me to ride a 4 wheeler and mud fights! I'm spending most of next week with her......which means CRAP I can't blog! I MUST BLOG! I guess I'll do it the old fashion way and write it by hand and post it when I get home. I'll also be missing two drumline practices! Oh well their un-productive anyways!
nite!!!
$!DN3Y
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